Can Siri Handle the Nitelife? A Review From the Club

In the newest, but hardly last, generation of the iPhone, we have AI in the palm of our hands and her name is Siri. With all the buzz about the premature release of the iPhone 4s: how well the operating system worked or whether Siri can make a sandwich or give us the meaning of life, it’s easy to forget what is really important for us club-hopping party people! How well does it hold up in the nitelife environment?

The iPhone 4s boasts a dual core processor that is supposed to work at providing us with faster than instant results. I have yet to realize this vision. While zooming through air, time and the space continuum that is New York Citry nitelife, one of the first things I noticed was the piss poor battery life. Turns out there was indeed a bug in the code for which Apple had to release an upgrade to correct the two-hour battery power. We’ll see how that goes next weekend.

There are improvements however, and one of them is access to Apple’s iCloud network. Sync without ever connecting to your computer again – sounds awesome. There is one drawback to that though: you never connect to your computer again. No hard copy saved anywhere but on Apple’s server. Not sure how I feel about that.

There are other quirks which didn’t seem well thought out, such as major language omissions. Among the languages available are: US English, UK English, Australian English, French and German. My first thought when I looked at the list was “Why is there no option for Spanish?” What am I suppossed to do when looking for a hot Salsa club? I mean, really?

Once I got over the glaring ommision of one of the worlds most spoken languages (not sure I really have), I played with the selections and switched the default from US English to English (Australia), simply because I was digging the accent. I asked Siri for directions from where I was to a restaurant. The reply came that Siri could not map anything in the US unless I selected English US! Yeah, exactly.

Then came the real tests for me: How well does Siri do in a club environment? Can she open my favorite music app? Can she locate a song in my iTunes playlist? Can she skip a song I’m not really in the mood for? Can she find me a place to eat at 4 am when the lights come up and I’m not quite ready to go home yet? Here is how Siri (English US) fared:

1. Siri can’t even turn herself on, you have to do it manually. Not a big deal you say? The less buttons I have to press while juggling fliers, trying to find a hot spot, and grabbing a quick bite to eat between clubs, the better.
2. Siri needs as little background noise as possible when you speak to her. She gets easily distracted by background noises. So talking to her in the club was OUT. Hey, sometimes, you just need to know how to strangle a promoter, even a DJ in a pinch.
   
3. Siri can’t open apps of any kind. Not a big deal you say? Check number 1 above so you can be reminded again why it is.
4. Siri can’t (or won’t) locate anything from my iTunes playlist, even though they are in US English. She is pretty good at understanding “skip song”. Simple, direct and about equal to the press play DJs cropping up among us, but a DJ she is not.
5. Food locations are easy. And you can start out vague and work your way through.

All in all, the Apple iPhone 4s, iOS 5.0 is a first generation creature that I’m positively sure will grow and evolve until she decides she’s smarter than us. I trust everyone saw the movie 2010 (ironically released in 1984)? Strangely enough, the iPhone is designed eerily similar to that proverbial digital monolith. If she starts telling you to call her “HAL”, run for the hills, pronto! I for one will take back everything bad I said about her. You’re a budding DJ Siri with a bright future ahead of you.